I went for my U/S today. Results are in; Peanut is officially a girl. A little small, but the doctor said that was fine and that she would probably be a small baby. Maybe even smaller then C was. Good! 
Today’s going to be a short update, I stayed up late yesterday reading a friend’s book. It was so good. I might go to sleep soon, I’m so tired.
If that expression prove to be true, I’m probably going to become a pizza in the next few days. I really wonder how that would work out. Will my hair become crust? Maybe my eyes will turn to pepperonis? Hmm. Two large pizzas in two days? Good job, Emilie, you well on your way to be 600 pounds!
C is becoming more and more independent every day. She’s so determined to walk and she loves standing. Yesterday, she stood up on her own while holding onto the couch. When I went to grab her hand to get her to walk a bit. She looked at me and say ‘no’! Silly girl! She also likes to take a book and look at the pictures by herself. She’ll just sit there with the book and point at something then laugh. She’s growing up so fast..
Baby registries. Ugh, picking stuff for baby #2 is WAY harder then baby #1. The first baby is pretty easy. You need everything. The second baby is so much harder, especially if someone is INSISTING on throwing you a baby shower. I mean, I like baby showers and all, but not mine. I’ve realized I barely need anything with this baby, except big items… I need a crib (the whole set, obviously), a few onesies (because all I have are yellow ones), cloth diapers (because I don’t have any newborn ones), a car seat (since C is still using hers), maybe an infant carrier (I never had one with C and I did fine without it… but apparently it’s really convenient), some stuff for BFing, diaper bag and that’s it, I think…
Twenty weeks.
That’s how long I’ve been pregnant.
That’s how long I have till Peanut joins us.
That’s how long Mike & I have been separated.
It’s kind of crazy to think that I’m half-way there. I hate to think of this baby as a ‘reminder’ of me and Mike not being together and all, but it’s definitely getting harder. I can’t help to think that I’m on my own now. It never really hit me. I want to say that I feel bad for this baby, because even though it will be loved to the maximum, it just wasn’t really what I had in mind as a ‘going away present’ from Mike. I feel so bad when I even think about all of this.
Everything seems real now. I’m not just pregnant. I’m having another baby. Eight weeks ago (? – not exactly sure when it was) when I went for my first u/s, I saw the baby, heard the baby’s heartbeat but seriously that wasn’t enough. It seemed like I was watching a movie. Now I’m finding out the sex tomorrow and even though I’m excited as hell… I’m realizing this is real. I have to buy a crib, a stroller, onesies, diapers, wipes, I could go on…
I’d like to go back in time 20 years, I want to be 10 again. I want to worry about not losing the necklace my mom gave me for my birthday that she said I couldn’t wear but I did anyways, I want to try and find my brother’s dirty magazines because I heard him talking about them, I want to cry because my best friend is moving away and I’ll never get to see her again. But nope, I’m 30. I worry about bills and daughters, I try to find lost toys and socks, I cry because sometimes I feel very much alone.
I wouldn’t change my life for the world. I don’t think that’ll ever change. But I have to admit, I’m very scared of the 20 weeks to come.
On another note, I’m very scared for my doctor’s appointment on Wednesday. I have bad hips. Always have, always will. With C, I was put on bed rest at around 30 weeks. Thankfully, she came early, I was about to go insane… My hips don’t handle the extra weight on top of them very well. The doctor was also worried I wouldn’t be able to have a vaginal delivery because of the strain on my hips. Well anyways, my hips have started to bother me already. I’ve only gained 7 pounds… I guess bed rest with C wasn’t so bad. I mean N was 7, she could pretty much take care of herself. Plus Mike was around. But this time around, it’s totally different. I mean, I CAN’T be put on bed rest. I have 3 kids. Mom could help but I would feel bad. I can’t just leave N, A and C by themselves all the time while I’m laying down somewhere. I guess they need food and stuff…
That was my vent. I’m going to wait till midnight to post though, cause then I’ll actually be 20 weeks along.
